I did not sleep well last night...SmallPerson was in the bed, Hubs was snoring like a rhino with a megaphone, and me? Perched on the edge of the (super king!) bed. I kept waking up. My brain was buzzing. So today I'm knackered and to be honest, if hubs were home, I'd be in the bath by now and thinking about sleep.
I'm still beating myself up for being behind at work, but trying to remind myself that I did plenty today and it's okay to spend an evening sitting on the sofa - not making curtains, not studying, not doing anything. This is ok. Giving in on this day and going to bed is okay.
School holidays next week, which stresses me out too - guilt at needing to put Small into holiday club, guilt at not doing something amazing when we are together. We are at my mum's near the beach for a month in the middle of it, which will be great, but this year I need to get my act together to show Small some of the 'tourist' things about my homeland which I take for granted. I ought to make a list, even a plan, to stop myself just wasting the time, sitting on the laptop and working and missing the opportunity.
I like lists. But tonight, too tired to make one.
Seeing the alcohol counsellor tomorrow. Wonder if I will unlock a new level in the 'secret stuff for recovering addicts' game? :)
I think you need to wallow in a bit of time-wasting, reallllly enjoy it. I know it's hard to sit still right now, your brain is telling you that you MUST BE DOING SOMETHING AT ALL TIMES. When we had our wine bottle babies with us, there was always something to do, but without them there's a bunch of weird space. The first few weeks after I quit I literally did not know what to do with myself right after work, I ended up pacing a lot, it was probably bizarre to watch:)
ReplyDeleteSo try to sit with it, the anxiety of not-doing, and enjoy doing something mindless, even for like 20 minutes at a time. All that shit is going to wait for you, believe me!
Do like the Eagles and take it easy:)
I've always been like that, even pre-Gin Goblin. I don't have any problem filling the hours but I wish I didn't feel the NEED to. I ended up teaching myself to code in Python last night (which I have no need to do in real life!) just because.
DeleteI need to get a good book, or go to that swimming pool....relaxing productivity! :)