My name is Susie and I am an alcoholic.
And you know what? Very few people would believe me. I think these are some of the replies I would get…
‘How can you be? You run your own successful business AND you just got your MBA with distinction!’
‘Nah. You just like a few drinks! You never get sick or embarrassing!’
‘But you never seem to have a hangover!’
All of this is true. But what it means is I’m just a disgustingly high functioning alcoholic. Because if there’s a bottle of wine in the house, I will drink it until it is gone. And then if there’s anything else around, I will drink that too. And I’ll post completely coherent things on Facebook, and not break anything or throw up, and nobody really can tell. And I will do that every night. Every single night.
The only person who really knows is my husband, who sees how much I drink (I’ve never been a secret drinker - that’s another argument for why I’m NOT an alcoholic - I don’t bury gin in the garden!). But while he’s been concerned for a while about how much I put away, and is being supportive about my abstinence, I don’t think he quite GETS it. How can he. He’s one of those people who can drink a glass of something, then have no more for weeks. The concept that one glass it not enough, the craving, the habit, the inability to control it, is completely alien to him.
I suspect it would be to a lot of people which is why I’m writing this - reaching out, hoping to find a safe and anonymous-ish space in which to share the journey with others.
Today is the morning of my 5th day without alcohol.
Me too. Graduate degrees, professional, great job, house, kids. Alchoholic.
ReplyDeleteNo off switch. And although I mainly drank on weekends, it had become an obsessive and depressing mental game.
It has been almost 19 months since I had a drink. I didn't think I was an alcoholic to begin with, I just needed a break. I was high functioning. I hid it well.
But I can see with open eyes now that. High functioning is really a sad way to love. I was not the mother ,y kids deserved. I was not the me that I deserved. How could I be? I was so self involved that I couldn't really see anything else.
My life has become beautiful and fulfilling. The same life, sober. It is am amazing thing. Stick with it!
Anne
19 months is amazing, well done. And your words are really encouraging, it's good to know that the good stuff about sobriety doesn't wear off too much - one of my worries is that once the initial hit of health and virtue wanes I'll want to drink again.
ReplyDeleteI've definitely not been the person I should be, or the person I want to be, and it's one of the big things driving me forward now.
You can see ho things have been on my blog
ReplyDeleteAinsobriety@wordpress.com
Thank you, I will join in! :)
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