Nineteen

It's funny how the first few days seem to go so slowly, but here I am now closing in rapidly on 3 weeks of sobriety. I know it's hardly any time at all, but suddenly goals like a month don't seem so very hard at all. There's definitely something about that first week - and especially Day 3 - which is uniquely tough.

My mood has stabilised somewhat since Monday. I'm still a bit up and down, but also a bit more rational and a bit less tearful. We had an even worse morning with Ellie yesterday but I stayed calm and in control of it, even though we ended up being an hour late in to school. I definitely coped much better.

I was working overnight in London last night and found myself half an hour before closing in a pub which is basically my idea of heaven - former CAMRA pub of the year, and 20 real ales behind the bar. I had a diet coke, and only wanted beer a tiny bit. Not so much that I even for a moment contemplated actually ordering one; so that was a victory. And good to know I don't have to miss out on sitting in pubs reading books, which I do think is one of life's pleasures!

I'm absolutely shattered today, lack of sleep, probably got 5 hours in a very uncomfortable bed. My neck and shoulders have been hurting as I think I've been hunching up from all the stresses of the last few weeks. And I have to be on the road at 6am tomorrow for another insanely long day. I've managed to get a good bit of work done today but it's busy, and so I feel like I'm falling behind (I am!). It's a juggling act at the moment to meet deadlines and set reasonable expectations - there's nothing I can't finish, but finishing things by Friday when I won't get back to the office until Monday afternoon is looking sort of impossible.

Keep breathing.