Seventeen

I'm assuming it's good that I'm not as reliant on my blog as my sobriety outlet this time around...right? There's something comforting about having done this before - I know I can, at least for 6 months - but there's something scary about what comes after that. Can I keep it up this time? Forever is a scary thing.

Survived the trip home. E was a bit of a pain, wouldn't really go out or do anything and we had a few meltdowns to contend with. On the plus side, I had a day out walking on the coast while mum looked after her (thanks mum!) and I chugged multiple Nanny States each evening and avoided the lovely village local and its lovely, lovely beer.

I feel as though I've been very bad tempered and impatient with E, her quirks and features (I don't want to say her 'disability' but it does seem like the right word to use sometimes) make everything seem like a battle, a struggle, sometimes. I was in tears this morning trying to get her ready for school on time despite us having been up for 2 hours. I don't know if this is just part of withdrawal, or me just not coping with life generally. I feel quite selfish, there are things I want to do! I want a normal life with a child who does what they are told and takes less than an hour to put a sock on! Bwaaaaah!

As a woman who has to have a plan, I have a plan. I'm going to try to be calmer, and if I still feel like this next time I see the GP it might be time to finally change my medication (been on the same ones for 14 years now).

I'm not going to drink gin, however much I desperately want to. I'm definitely guilty of self-medicating in the past but I can't blame my drinking issues on family life - they have been there all along. There always seems to be something that needs to be dulled.

Clients at work are being pushy and impatient too. I feel like bursting into tears and telling them I AM doing my work, but I'm only one person, and would they just BACK THE FUCK OFF.

Perhaps I AM a little out of whack at the moment!! ;)