Day 7 - Welcome to the rollercoaster

As you could probably guess, after posting last night I ended up having a little cry. Kept it in until hubs asked if I was okay - well no, dammit, I wasn't. He was appropriately lovely and kind to me and listened to my partially formed thoughts about what was going on, until I calmed down.

I can't really remember the last time I just cried like that. I shed a few tears when a friend died a few months ago, but no real proper full on snot everywhere sobbing for the longest time. Interesting. I suppose this is a sign that I'm not numbing my emotions any more. Perhaps I have to get used to letting it out from time to time!

I think I still have a lot of thinking to do about my feelings of needing approval and fear of failure etc etc. But not today. Today has been a great day.

I went to bed as intended at 10pm last night, but it took me a long time to go to sleep so I let myself sleep until 6.30. I was rewarded for the early morning dog walking session by a fleeting glimpse of a deer, and enjoyed the sunshine and the views and the peace and quiet. The world felt good - and it's been pretty much that way ever since. Lunch outside in the sunshine, got a ton done at work, watered the garden, had a laugh with my SmallPerson, and I feel really relaxed and happy rather than thinking on to all the things I still need to do.

Maybe it's the milestone of having (nearly) completed Week 1 but I really do feel good. Things I've noticed already -

• Ability to just wake up and get up in the mornings!
• Far more relaxed, although I still think about my to do list I don't think I'm obsessing quite as much about it.
• Side effect of this is that I think I'm getting more done, because I'm just getting on with it rather than putting it off and fretting about it.
• I'm more attentive, particularly with SmallPerson - in the evenings now I don't mind going and sharing a bath and having a chat with her, whereas before I was desperate to get back downstairs and have a drink.
• I'm less critical - particularly of hubs, who is a good guy and does his best. I'm more able to accept that he just doesn't always do things my way or with the superhuman efficiency which I exhibit. 
• Eating far less, and more healthily - I'm more able to say "I've had enough" and push the plate away, and the things I crave are healthier. I'm not snacking at all.
• I'm starting to say to people "Oh, I'm not drinking at the moment". I've not managed to suggest to anyone that it's permanent yet, but it's no longer a deep dark secret experiment.

I have no readers so I'll be my own cheerleader - well done Susie, you made it a week! Heres to the next one.