Day 28 - Four Weeks!

Wow. I'm sort of shocked to have made it to 4 weeks, and it doesn't feel like that long. I started writing this as 'three weeks' and then realised I was missing 7 days somewhere ;)

I 'came out' properly to my mum last night - this time she was appropriately supportive and said she had massive respect for me for doing it, and she had been worried about me. So that time in Week 1 when she managed to reduce me to tears with a comment was clearly me going through the post-gin emotional rollercoaster.

I've also 'come out', sort of, to my party guests for my birthday this weekend, just to say that I won't be drinking but they are welcome to. A couple of comments, but nothing too negative; and anyone who isn't interested in sober me isn't really a friend anyway, right?

There have been some ups and downs, and the initial 'high' of being sober is wearing off a bit. Tonight, I'm tired, my shoulders ache, I ought to get to bed soon really. But then, I did quite a bit yesterday (yeah, I can see that now, thank you for putting up with the pity party) and I worked hard today.

One thing I definitely need to get used to is that I can finally get more done, and be more focused; I was lying awake last night fretting about all the work piled up that I needed to get done. This morning, I just knuckled down to it. Most of it is done, some of it isn't, but it'll wait until tomorrow. I just need to learn to relax about that a little more!

So here are the benefits so far;

• I've not had a single day where I couldn't get out of bed (I used to blame this on depression!)
• In fact, when the alarm goes off I just get up and get on with it. I do still swear a bit though.
• No hangovers!
• No drink driving.
• Not sleeping so much on the weekend - and getting things done as a result.
• Not worrying about what I might have said, done or bought the night before
• Not having to think about where the next drink might be coming from!
• No more nagging about my drinking from anyone
• I'm calmer, and more patient, and I'm a better mum as a result
• I can think more, later - so although I'm not working in the evenings I'm doing something useful with my time, or reading, or being nice to myself, rather than just keeling over.
• My skin is way better!
• Things are still fun - in fact, things that are fun are probably better for being more memorable.
• I can remember movies more than 5 minutes after they end
• I'm taking better care of myself - nails, moisturiser, massages, time out to sit and relax...
• I seem to be getting over some of my social anxiety - I'm talking to strangers, even making new friends.
• I don't wake up in the night. I used to wake up and drink water routinely, and have to go to the loo, 2-3 times a night. 

The downsides? Well, there's a hell of a lot of soul searching and self analysis which can get a bit wearing, and the fresh awareness of my self can be quite scary. Not being able to deaden emotions and feelings means I don't always know how to handle them. But all of this will pass with time and, I suppose, practice. I've not missed out on anything socially (I don't think), I don't miss the taste of alcohol (which surprises me). 

I was able to remain pretty functional with a hell of a lot of booze in me. But a few times, I had 'that thing' which I'm assuming you'll be familiar with - getting to bed and suddenly realising you've REALLY overdone it and you're going to be really ill. You can't really walk, but you need to get to the bathroom, so you're bouncing off the walls and the doorframe. You know you have to be sick, to try to make it go away. You hate yourself, swear you won't do it again, as you knock back a pint of water only to throw that up as well. Everything spins and you want to shout for help and have it all go away.

I don't miss that one bit.