Guess what? Day 1!

It's another Day 1.

Monday, I didn't drink, and it wasn't a struggle. But what I'm noticing is that I'm comparing "current me" to "really bad drinking" me, and using that as an excuse to keep drinking. And I suspect being able to make excuses is a sign of ...something....

Yesterday was a very fucked up day in many ways. Some great things happened, some downright horrible things happened. So when I got home I had a G&T. And a beer. And a glass of wine.

Yeah. No excuses for that, really, are there?

I'm on a bit of a self improvement kick in other ways. I went for a run yesterday (I don't think I will do it again. It was horrible). I've been getting up at 5.30am to work and making sure I'm in bed by 10pm which has been working surprisingly well. But today - Didn't get up until 6.30am (lazybones!), and not feeling too motivated. I don't feel ill, but I'm tired, and I'm grumpy, and that'll be a hangover I guess.

When I was considering it this morning, what I realised was it didn't help me at all. What helped me last night was talking to the person who had upset me, and discovering that whilst I had cause to be upset, it wasn't quite as bad as I had taken it to be.

Also - did I enjoy any of those drinks? I don't think I did. I don't think any of them tasted especially wonderful, I don't remember sitting and just savouring one and thinking "Oh, that's nice".

When I sobered up last year (for 6 months!!) I'd been considering it and finding excuses not to do it for a while, and when it happened I felt 'ready' for it. I feel ready again, now.

Another Day 1

Wow, for someone who stayed sober for over 100 days, I suck at staying sober.

2 glasses of wine last night. Very pleasant, helped the conversation flow, topped off what was a great day. So WHY then did I neck the best part of a bottle of prosecco when I got home? I don't even like the bloody stuff.

So of course I feel rough. It's been a really stressful day too, trying to get the Tiny Human to the dentist and then to the child psych this evening, not finding any time to actually do my job...I don't know if the hangover is making the stress seem worse or not but it's definitely not helping.

I think I need to find some chocolate.

Day 1. Again.

Hi. So, I'm back. 

I started drinking in December. A little here and there. Never drunk. Days off in between. I could handle it, right?

Well apparently not as I'm now drinking again every day, waking up grumpy, hubs  is starting to comment. I'm not back at the stage of working out in the morning what there is to drink in the evening but clearly that's next. 

On the plus side I know I can do this now. I've even inspired a friend who is now on about Day 60 and is inspiring me in return. So here we go.